Category Archives: Family / History

during my creative writing group I wrote this a real day in my life — followed by a Sci-Fi rewrite – or how my mind reimagines the daily grind away with a few aliens from outerspace and whynot say in that fictionalized account I was a vampire.

7:AM I’m up a half hour after the crack of dawn — that’s about the time of day a big slice of the sun settles in the right side of the apartment. The dog on bed is dead weight his way of telling everyong in the house it’s hella too early to be awake (I agree) — my dog is nicknamed the old lady because he’s 10 years and that’s 500 in dog years if you’re lucky enough to sleep by my side. I sit in the same chair for 20 minutes eyes closed — half asleep — doing the mantra and knocking back those big worldly worries to the curb.
8:45AM The smell of fresh coffee coming from street vender trucks fills the Grand Concourse in the Bronx. I spot a vendor selling chicken empenandas and think that’s a bold choice for breakfast. Sure enough, two women are chowing down on freshly cooked empandas and for at least five whole minutes my world view is rocked.

Rewrite

from my musty bedside filled with dirt the dog had smelled the change. He registered it with a long whimper calling for the end of times. Being a creature of the night I knew this day was coming humans were weak blood vessels.
The crash of New Jersey happened while I was on my chair meditating. A dark cloud with the smell of roast pig pushed into the Bronx and I knew it didn’t just carry smoke. I thought it could use some of grandmas spices.

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Comedian, Cruz Bio, Family / History, Pets / Animals, Random Thoughts, Stand Up Comedy

Dumb dog peed my pajamas

April 2, 2017 Henry Cruz

I live a few steps away from the Bronx Zoo — actually it’s four blocks from me but if you like to skip like I do that counts as steps — ‘makes total sense to have a dog, and I also recently acquired a girl cat — because I needed something pretty to post up on Instagram — I hear cat PICs are huge on there, and plus she catches any mice that try to come by) —

‘remember I live near a Zoo (when in Rome, you pack the farm with animals).

I named my dog Kaye-Kaye and most days we enjoy our nights alone with him on my lap while I’m doing computer stuff like scrolling through important penis enlargement emails & sipping my warm spicy Chai tea — because I’m a little fancy.

Last night the dog was on my lap and shaking — I knew it would be soon time to go outside…

but, I waited a bit, and that dumb dog peed on my pajamas while on my lap — I know what you’re thinking, hey aren’t you mad?

No, the opposite…we had this eerily-loving-post-pee-bonding-moment-of-zen — I cleaned up the mess and hugged that dumb dog.

You haven’t fully lived until your dog pees on you while sitting on your lap — ~~note to self~~: tweet that —

here’s a snowy video of what a normal pee time consists of